i do not love thee
by Ryu Kukyo
Summary: .....strange.........yaoi........ just read the warnings at the top.......


Okay so this is a bunch of nonsense I wrote with a killer headache. I discovered this poem after reading `The Golden Treasury' book of lyrical poems and songs..... re-published in 1922........ 1st published 1867...........  
  
I'm sorry this is soo confusing..... and the reason for this sudden fic is..... I got a signed copy of Dork Tower Swimsuit Edition AND John Kovalic drew me two Chez Geek cards at the con I was at!!!!!! ...... lalalalala...... he is SUCH a nice guy.  
  
Poem-  
  
I do not love thee!- no! I do not love thee!  
  
And yet when thou art absent I am sad;  
  
And envy even the bright blue sky above thee,  
  
Whose quite stars may see thee and be glad.  
  
I do not love thee! -yet, I know not why,  
  
What e'er thou seems still well done to me;  
  
And often in my solitude I sigh  
  
That those I do love are not more like thee!  
  
I do not love thee!-yet, when thou art gone,  
  
I hate the sound (though those who speak it be dear)  
  
Which brakes the lingering echo of the tone  
  
The voice of music leaves upon my ear.  
  
I do not love thee!- yet, thy speaking eyes,  
  
With there deep bright and most expressive blue,  
  
Between me and the midnight heaven arise,  
  
Oftener than any eyes I ever knew.  
  
I know I do not love thee!- yet alas!  
  
Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;  
  
And oft I catch them smiling as they pass,  
  
Because they see me gazing where thou art.  
  
Caroline E. S. Norton.  
  
Title; I do not love you!  
  
Author; Shelly.  
  
Parings; 1+R, R+?, 3+4, 5+6+13, 2x1 SP+?  
  
Warnings; confusing, sap? strange, un-proof read, PWP, TWT,  
  
Disclaimer; I am not a dead 19thc poet, nor am I a international company that makes millions from animated programs and merchandising. So no I do not own anything. But I have a really cute sheep pin called ramu........ but you can't have it!!!!!!  
  
Heero yawned and stretched, shaking off the un-wanted thought. This was not the time for such stupidity. Dolefully he looked around the empty room, eyes falling on a particular desk. He left out a frustrated sigh as he pushed himself away from his own desk. Standing up he stormed over to the closed window, to stare off onto the crystalline blue sky. With a low growl he averted his eyes, to look down upon the park across from the Preventer's building. Spying a young man playing with his friends, for a moment seeing someone else in his stead. Some one full of life and energy, someone that made the room glow with his presence. Heero closed his eyes trying to rid himself of the image. When he opened them again he glared at the twinkling light of Venus, the first star visible in the afternoon sky. With a scowl he returned to his desk to continue with his work.  
  
Ever since the end of the Eve wars Heero, like his fellow Gundam pilots, had joined the Preventers. At first he thought it was to prevent further war from breaking out, but now he knew it was to stay close to people he knew, people whom he considered friends. By accident, or someone's evil plan, he ended up working closely with Duo in an elite ops team. On paper his life was good. He had a well paying job, which he enjoyed, he worked closely with his best friend. And was in a consistent somewhat loving relationship. The later was the result of him caving and agreeing to go out with Relena, shortly after the destruction of the Gundams. To the outside world they where the perfect couple. Then why wasn't he happy? Even though he still refused to let his and Relena's relationship get physical.  
  
As Heero settled back into work, a small smile crept to his lips as he saw the detailed report, left by Duo, atop his desk. Duo had left yesterday for a three-week holiday on L2, Hilde was getting married and he was the maid of honor. Even though Heero always criticized him, Duo was a good worker and excellent at his job. With a long-suffering sigh Heero decided to pack it in for the day, it was Saturday after all. On his way home he stopped, choosing to take a walk in the park. The blue sky shimmered with the energy of early summer, as a shallow breeze swept through the new growth that surrounded him. He smiled as he took his jacket of in the humid air, this was his first feeling of contentment in a very long time, getting a chance to see what life was meant to be like, not just concrete jungles and metal homes. The mood was shattered when his mobile phone went off, he glared, but it softened when he recognized the ringing for what it was, the A-teams team song. Duo's handy  
work, last month it had been the Darth Vader team. He was roused from his musings when the phone rang again. With a scowl he answered it.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Heero! Darling!! When will you be home? You've been gone all day and I've been lonely! I never get you to my self."  
  
Was the immediate rambling that came down the phone line.  
  
"Relena,"  
  
He sighed inwardly.  
  
"I still have a bit of work to do."  
  
He lied.  
  
"I may be a while, I'll be home when I can."  
  
"Oh... It's okay I understand..."  
  
I was the first time she realized that she wasn't disappointed in him not being at home.  
  
"There's something important we need to discuss, I'll talk to you later Relena, ja ne."  
  
He hung up before she got a chance to answer him.  
  
Putting away his phone he continued with his stroll in the park.  
  
It was late that night before Heero made it home. He lived in a town house near Preventers HQ, with Relena. Entering the living room he saw Relena.  
  
"Oh. Heero, your home."  
  
Relena smiled as she stood to greet him.  
  
"Hn."  
  
Is all he said as he motioned for her to remain seated.  
  
"Is there something wrong Heero?"  
  
Heero nodded slowly.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Her smile faded and she lost some of her energy, the light in her eyes had been gone for quite a while.  
  
"Both you and I know I do not love you, `Lena!"  
  
He began gently, not wanting to be too harsh, after all Relena was still a close friend.  
  
"And I can't go on living with things the way they are. I'm not happy, nor are you."  
  
"To all the world it may seem like your dumping me Heero. But just recently I my-self have realized the truth that lies behind your words. The truth is you are not dumping me because we were never really together in the first place. Things will never change between us, because we shall always remain friends."  
  
Heero bowed his head in understanding and to her acceptance of the matter.  
  
"I cannot stay here though."  
  
"Where will you go?"  
  
"I may go and stay with Quatre and Trowa for a while, until I find a place of my own."  
  
Relena smiled, she liked that pair. Heero looked at her as he was about to leave.  
  
"You do love her you know, `Lena."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You love her. And you should stop denying your feelings and act on them!"  
  
With that said he was gone. Relena sat in silence for a while contemplating what Heero had said, finally coming to an understanding within herself. Reaching for the phone she whispered softly.  
  
"I hope you'll be happy Heero, my own star-fighter."(1)  
  
As the call went through, Relena focussed all her attention on what she was about to do.  
  
"Dorothy? It's Relena........."  
  
Heero had been staying with Quatre and Trowa for the last three weeks. News had spread that Dorothy had moved in with Relena, and every one, especially Heero, was very happy for them. Heero had been searching for a place of his own since he arrived at their door. But nothing appropriate was available.  
  
It was early Saturday morning when his phone rang. It was Duo, he had just arrived home from L2. He just heard of the split, and wanted to make sure Heero was alright. They had stayed talking for half an hour, until Duo had to hang up and get some sleep before he collapsed from exhaustion. Latter Heero couldn't remember what they had talked about, only that he enjoyed it. He was on an upper for the rest of the morning, walking around in a semi-trance. He was snapped out of it by Quatre, who was worried by he's strange behavior. Heero caught himself before he snapped at Quatre, and put his worries at rest. Quatre was a close friend, but he wasn't happy being disturbed from his happy daze.  
  
Monday morning came. Heero arrived at work to find Duo already there.  
  
Duo's violet-blues showed just how happy he was to see Heero. Heero shook off that thought and went to retrieve his new assignment. He was teamed up with Duo. For the rest of the day he listened to Duo chatter endlessly. He heard all about Hilde's wedding, and how Duo was the one to catch the bridal bouquet. Heero found himself actually enjoying Duo's ramblings. Duo appeared to be in an especially happy mood, and Heero didn't want it to end. As the day drew on he found himself getting lost in Duo's unique eyes. As the weeks moved into months, Heero had still failed to find a suitable apartment. He was spending increasingly more hours at work, and found himself thinking more and more of captivating blue eyes.  
  
All the pilots were dressed up to the nines. They where attending Relena's engagement party. Wufei had come especially from his home, on the newly rebuilt L5, to attend, with his too lovers, Former Oz General Treize Khusranada, and Relena's big brother Zechs Marquis. Wufei abandoned his loves for the night to stay close to the heavily pregnant Sally Po, hounding her to tell him who the father was, making sure she didn't drink anything containing alcohol and giving a justice rant at regular intervals. Quatre and Trowa stayed side by side, discussing their own wedding plans, for the entirety of the evening. Heero sat and watched everyone else dance and enjoy themselves, though he kept coming back to watch where Duo was dancing. Quatre and Trowa smirked and raised an eyebrow, respectively as they made their way across the room to the balcony. Heero realized, slowly what they meant. He had been following Duo's every movement for the entire night.  
  
`No, its not true.' He thought. Thinking once more a thought he had many times in the past. `I can't love him.' This time he followed through with listening to what his heart said, following his own advice for once. `Do I?' Realization dawned on him as he finally admitted his feelings to himself. `My gods, I love him.'  
  
Slowly getting up from his chair, he stalked across the room like a wild cat after his pray. He came up behind Duo, wrapping a fist around his braid , as Duo danced with Noin. Bringing his lips ever so close to Duo's ear, he breathed.  
  
"We need to talk, now."  
  
The last word was emphasized by a slight tug on Duo's braid. Duo gulped and nodded. Making his apologies to Noin, he left, with Heero, the main hall. Heero silently lead him to a disserted up stairs bedroom, finally letting go of Duo's braid, he made his way over to the open window, unsure of what to do next.  
  
Duo stood in silence in the center of the room, tracking Heero's every move.  
  
Turning slowly, Heero took in Duo's appearance. Black satin suit, fitted perfectly to his slim yet muscular body, with a black shirt and tie that morphed into one another, all nearly glowing in to fragmented moonbeams that filtered through the open window. His skin was luminous, taking a lighter shade of pale in the moonlight, his chestnut hair was disheveled from the dancing, some falling loose from his ever present braid. All the while his wondrous violet eyes shone with an Inner Light, everything came together to conform to a being of perfection. Heero gulped, wetting suddenly dry lips he began.  
  
"Duo.... Duo for the last couple of months I've begun to realize that I've been denying my true feelings for you. At first I thought it was just friendship but now I know that it is much, much more. For weeks I've been telling myself that it was not possible for me to be in love with you, but I now know I was wrong, it is very possible and very true. I love you Duo, and even though you may not feel the same way towards me, I just wanted you to know that."  
  
Heero had said it all very quickly and in a limited number of breaths.  
  
Duo took his time to take every thing in, his Heero had just said that he loved him. Duo blinked and stared blankly at Heero for another couple of minutes before he answered.  
  
"It's about bloody time!!"  
  
Heero hadn't known what to expect, but Duo's reaction threw him. he was sure what to do now.  
  
"What?"  
  
Duo got an evil gleam to his eyes, as he stalked towards Heero.  
  
"You heard me, It's about bloody time. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I have been after you since the first time I saw you."  
  
By now Duo had reached Heero, wrapping one arm around his waist while the other hand softy cupped Heero's cheek. Heero struggled to breathe.  
  
"W...why ... didn't you tell me before?"  
  
Duo sighed, running a callused thumb gently over Heero's bottom lip.  
  
"Because if I had, you would have denied it, and rejected your own feelings, denying both of us of happiness."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Heero gasped as Duo pulled him closer.  
  
Duo took this opportunity to ravage Heero's mouth in a gentle kiss.(2)  
  
Heero reveled in the feeling of Duo being so close, and was so enwrapped fin their kiss that he didn't notice Duo moving them towards the Queen sized bed in the center of the room. As Duo lowered Heero onto the bed, he whispered knowingly in his ear.  
  
"This is the way things were meant to be,"  
  
Placing a loving kiss on the other boy's neck he continued.  
  
"And this is the way things are going to stay...."  
  
The last conscious thought Heero had, before he wash swept away on the tide of emotions and feelings, was the single most happy thought he had ever had. A thought that would reoccur until the day he died, and be there as he passes into eternity. `I love him.............  
  
Owari  
  
.... What?? You can't see Heero as the Starfighter? Come on!!!!!! In the first episode he was in a flight suit flying something that's VERY similar to a star fighter jet!  
  
.......hehehehe I wrote an oxymoron.......... Or I'm a moron that has her words mixed up one or the other......... 


End file.
